Adventures in Chocolate

Many schools ask their students to sell items in order to boost the general budget. As a kid I was always eager to achieve high sales, sometimes winning awards in doing so. Although I sold many sorts of gifts and edibles, the thing I sold the most of was chocolate bars. I sold hundreds of them, and the experience gave rise to many odd adventures. Ah for the days when raising money was so easy! The boxes folded open into a handle with a hole in it, just the right size for my hand, and I would lug it down the street going door to door.

I was acquainted with the owner of a modest fabric shop, and I approached the counter to ask her if she wanted to buy a chocolate bar.  She was a quiet woman, on the shy side, late middle age, with hair that curled in an admirable soft gray frizz.  The style suited her. 

She bought one.  Before I could finish putting the dollar in my little envelope, a family of four came into her store.  They were enormous!  All four of them, the mom, the dad, and two very hefty kids fixed a beady stare on my candy box.

"Mmm.  Chocolate," said the mom.

I half smiled and started politely for the door.

"Wait a minute," said the mom.  "Come back with that chocolate!"

I paused like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure what I was supposed to do.  If I didn't get back to the car in a reasonable amount of time, the persons who were helping me sell would come in and look for me.

The very large woman reached into her wallet and counted out four dollars.  Then she and her kids grabbed the boxes from me and selected one bar for each. 

"Here ya go," said the mom, rocking on her feet.  All four waddled out the door as they opened and ate their acquisition.

When I got back to the car they were amazed.

"How did you sell so many?" they asked.

As in the case of the kids who couldn't explain to their mom that a six foot cat messed up the house and then restored it, I was at a loss for words.

A little Bible store sat two blocks away from the fabric shop.  I also knew that owner, so I stepped in to ask for a candy sale.

The owner bought one.

The next year I returned to that store, and the owner's daughter, about eleven in age, was there with her.

The girl was pitiably fat.  My heart broke for her condition.  She was not just heavy, she was so fat that when she moved her arm to point out which chocolate bar she wanted, the whole round arm jiggled.  I had never seen anyone so overweight at such a young age.  The mother/store owner was big, but not this big.  I was actually horrified to see this poor unfortunate girl.  And that was my mistake: I did not catch my face in time.  The owner saw my expression and read it.  Read it perfectly.  She was angry.  The year after that when I returned to the store, I was given a very short, very cold brush off.  There would be no more candy sales at that location.

Being new to the sales business, I got myself a list of local telephone numbers, and began calling everyone with whom I had been acquainted from church. One fellow, a rather shady character who cheated people in his business (didn't find this out till later), got quite an earful. I eagerly began my sales pitch, and began reading him the entire catalog word for word over the phone. Before I finished the third item, he said, "Yeah, I'll take that."

"But you haven't heard the rest of it!" I objected. "Are you sure that's what you want?"

I began reading off more choices, carefully enunciating the exact written description on each. Before I got through two more items, he said, "Yeah. I'll take that one."

"Which one? The first one or the second one?" I said.

"Just put me down for either," he groaned.

"How about the peanut butter puffs?"I volunteered.

"Yeah. Yeah. That'll be fine," he said, eager to hang up.

Folks, if you ever want to make a quick sale, get someone's ear and read them an entire catalog!

One sale down at the paint shop (guess I knew a lot of business people) made me smile.  When I delivered his order, the paint shop owner smiled and opened the package.

"You need to eat one of these," he said.

"No, thank you," came my standard answer.  I rarely accepted anything from anyone.

"You have to," he replied.  "I can't let you leave without trying one."

"No, thank you," I repeated.

"But how do you expect me to eat them if you don't try one?  How do I know they're not poisonous?" he insisted.

"Oh, they're not," I assured him.

"But how do I know?  Don't you stand behind your product?  You've got to show me they're okay," he smiled.

Reluctantly I accepted one and ate it.

"Thank you," I said.

Surprisingly it was extremely good.  It melted in my mouth.  I hadn't tried those before.  And I would never forget the generous gent who insisted on sharing.

The down side of selling chocolate is that people can be rude and inconsiderate.  Mostly it was the other people on my sales team who disappointed me.  Some would leave candy bars in the trunk of their car on a hot day till they melted, then bring them back to the school unsold and unusable.  This was unethical in my consideration.  If you ruin something that is not yours, you are obligated to pay for it.

Another time a girl boasted in front of others, "I'm going to keep my box."

I reported her comment to the director in charge of sales.

"Let's wait and see," said the director.

Sure enough, the girl kept the box and did not bring in the money to cover it.

Caramel filled chocolate bars had sometimes been dropped and broken, letting the caramel seep out.  These also would be returned unpaid and unsaleable.

People would order things, expensive things, and then return them to the school if they changed their minds and expect a full refund.  Come on, folks, where's your charity? I would think.  I would have given that money even without getting an item in return for it, and they were letting us down.

There are people today who are down on selling sweets to raise funds for schools.  I am not one of them.  I think the old adage "everything in moderation" applies here.  A single chocolate bar consumed on a rare occasion or even once a week isn't going to kill anybody.  For one thing, chocolate bars contain lecithin, which is sometimes sold in capsules as a nutrient supplement.  For another thing, dark chocolate is being studied for positive effects on the heart.  Chocolate's theobromine is a calming, soothing, mind brightening boost.  Hunters and mountain climbers carry chocolate for energy, and during hunting season some of my team members would often make very good sales to their hunter friends.