Beware of Squirrels!

What has the aim and arm of a baseball pitcher, hides in a tree, and pelts unwary pedestrians with acorns and walnuts?

If you have never been thumped in the head by a squirrel with excellent aim and surprising strength, you may not believe they can do it. You'll be walking along one day beneath a tree, in the woods or in the suburbs, and suddenly, thump! Something smacks you right in the noggin. Upon examination you find it to be a chewed up hickory nut, but before you straighten and continue your stroll, whack! Another one hits you. So you look up and see a cute little fuzzy squirrel eating a nut on a branch in front of you. But it is not discarded shells he is inadvertently dropping on you. As soon as you look away you will be pelted again. He is eating, he wants you gone from underneath his tree, and he's not afraid to say so.

Well, this fall is no different. The other night when walking my dogs we were assaulted by a barrage of acorns from a very persistent squirrel. To attack me is one thing, but to frighten my little dog is something else entirely. She didn't know it was just a squirrel--his acorns were landing on top of a sheet metal roof outdoors with a sound akin to loud fireworks. The longer we stayed out there, the more nuts flew and the harder they flew.

"Go inside," I said to my dogs. "I've got a score to settle."

The dogs safely inside, I began to collect the biggest and heaviest acorns I could find.

"If you want war, you scurvy little varment, it's war you'll get!" I threatened.

I heaved them as high as I could, one right after another. Out of ten acorns, two hit his branch and one actually hit where he was sitting. He stopped throwing them and just sat there.

"That's that," I said and headed for the door. But as soon as I stepped out of sight and under the carport roof again, wham! He began a second volley of open fire. I stepped out and chucked three more acorns at him. This time when I went in, he was quiet. I heard no more from that squirrel for the rest of the night.

Next night I went out to walk the dogs under the shady carport roof.

BOOM! Acorns on sheet metal again...